When Adulting is Hard: Dealing with Friendship Dynamics

Sometimes, no matter how tight your friend group seems, you can still end up feeling like you're on the outside looking in. This is especially tough when it's with people you've been close to for over a decade, like my group from high school. We're a pretty big bunch. And naturally, smaller cliques have formed over time. That's just group dynamics, right?

I've always tried to be cool about not being part of the smaller, tighter-knit gatherings. Not everyone can be everywhere at once, and I get that. But recently, something happened that really shook me. Some of my friends had an out-of-town trip together, and I found out through social media. There was no heads-up, no invite—nothing. It hit hard, especially since I was dealing with a tough night of caregiving for my grandma, who has got a stroke.

Being a caregiver and working remotely has its own set of challenges. It's "isolating", and seeing my friends exclude me and others (who are not part of their inner circle) felt like a double blow. It's one thing to understand on a rational level that groups within groups will form, but it's another to face the emotional impact of feeling excluded. Yes, people have the right to spend time with whomever they choose, but isn't it part of being in a larger friend group about inclusion? Isn't there room for a simple invite to the rest of the group? This would have been a gesture of kindness that didn’t compromise their plans, right??

The truth is, it hurt—a lot. I ended up crying for days, so much so that it physically affected me. I skipped work because my eyes were too sore from all the tears. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but that's the #uglytruth #lol of how deeply it affected me. It took me five days to really process my feelings. I even dug up a conversation from two years back where we discussed this very issue. Trying to stay positive helped a little, but the sadness was real.

But yeah, that's life.

Now, I’m slowly getting to a better place emotionally. Time does help in healing, and I've begun to accept the dynamics for what they are. My big takeaway? Cherish the friendships I have but manage my expectations. As much as it pains me to admit, not everyone views friendship the same way. And maybe that's okay.

Navigating friendships as an adult can be complicated and sometimes painful, but it also teaches us a lot about ourselves and what we truly value in our connections with others. I’m learning to find peace with it all and to focus on the relationships that make me feel included and valued. 

Sometimes, the best way to cope is to find joy in what you have, not in what you feel you're missing out on. ;)

P.S: Here’s to more 'me' time—because sometimes, the most reliable friend you have is yourself. Cheers to self-love and extra snacks just for me!